Misumenoides formosipes (Crab Spider)
The names Frankie, Frankie Crab. I may look like a tiny crab but I hate the ocean. Fish stink man. You know what I love? Flowers! They are like soft fluffy pillows of color. I usually blend in with flowers that match my color. I am yellow and it’s cute. Other females can be white or brown, what drab colors. We also have spots which make white and brown look so cute. We can have red or black or brown spots. It’s like how humans paint their weird plastic things on their fingers. Except that’s like, really weird.
My friends and I live in a garden by a human's habitat. It is huge. It has so many different flowers. My favorite is lavender even though I don’t blend in. It just smells really good. It has roses in like, 5 different colors. All of us blend in to ATTACK!
Unlike other spiders I am too lazy to build one of those webs. They are gross anyways, all of your old food stays there forever. And no one cleans it up?! As if. Basically anything that comes close to me I will not hesitate to eat. What can I say? I get hungry. Men get lazy and will just drink the flower nectar but us women know how to kill and we never get tired!
I use my legs to grab my foods. I just grab em’ really fast you know? I hate eating butterfly’s because it’s so unflattering. Like, you have to open your mouth really wide to get the wings in there. It’s like eating salad in public. Not that I would know.
This blog will only last a year probably because after that It’s my time to sleep forever. I hope I have a bunch of kids before I die though. They better not get so hungry they’ll eat my or I’ll be so mad. They will be grounded forever. No more lady bugs for them!